Staring at the Sun
December 6, 2023
In his book Staring at the Sun, psychologist Irv Yalom argues that making important decisions often triggers an unsettling feeling of existential anxiety. This unease arises because every choice, in essence, represents a "mini-death," a permanent closure of countless potential paths our lives and work could have taken.
We are, in many ways, "simulation machines," constantly projecting scenarios and possibilities into the future. These imagined futures become integral parts of ourselves, woven into our present as intricately as our physical bodies. So, when we choose one path, we inevitably say goodbye to countless others, causing a sense of loss and even grief.
Imagine a vast, branching tree, each branch representing a potential future you could have. As you make decisions, you prune away countless branches, narrowing your path until you reach the present moment. While the chosen path holds the promise of new possibilities, the loss of all those other futures can feel deeply painful.
The pain we feel is so vivid because we interpret all these simulated futures as real versions of ourselves. Each future we've thought about that eventually falls away is like losing a limb. Entire swaths of our identity and personality tied up with the simulated versions of ourselves just evaporate. It's not just a closing of potential paths, but severence of a core piece of us.
This pain, however excruciating, comes with a purpose. The only reason we can fulfill our projected futures and dreams is to pour ourselves into them. We can protect ourselves by not pouring our desire and emotions into our simulated futures, but that's the only surefire way to make sure that we never bring those simulations to fruition.
There's no progress without sacrifice, and many times in life our decisions require us to sacrifice a part of ourselves to move forward.